I spent a little extra time in the riding arena after riding class last night to try to figure something out that's on a test we will be taking. Riding in a large circle, my horse stumbled badly and I was thrown into a somersault off of him. I can't describe in full earnest what sort of horrible thoughts went through my head when I was with my head pressed to the ground and my body weight pushing down on my neck in a strange twist as I was still falling -causing my neck to make some awful cracking noises.
I had a small shock then and there and at first I just grasped my neck with both hands and didn't dare move. Slowly I figured out that I could move all limbs and at that point I simply started crying. Out of relief, perhaps.
After waiting into the night, my X-Rays came out clean and I seem to be lucky to get away with whiplash injuries, mainly a stiff sore neck and some pain.
About my riding, I don't know. I have had recurring thoughts for some time that my passion for it is gone. Yesterday my friend who came with me to the ER was urging me to try to get back in the saddle as soon as I can. It's a well known mantra to step right back into the saddle after a fall to help get over the fear before it has time to build. I got really upset just at the thought of it and am now upset just thinking about it. Falling through my horse stumbling has been a fear of mine for several years now and I've managed it so far. Now that I've had this experience I just don't know.
Is it strange that I am also really annoyed about me not being able to work on finishing the agility jumps I've been making and painting for Bella as I had planned? At the ER I kept thinking about how I was losing valuable painting time!